38 Posts

Last year 38 posts definied my year and even though i'm off to a late start with this thing i'm sure i'll have more. Yesterday we celebrated Ashley's birthday. yay we are both 19. However I couldnt help but be urked by the distraction parked on my bed. Bo, my new interest, sat quietly observing the coonery that became of the party. Little did he know I was mad oh so mad for the antics that took place the previous evening. Lets rewind to that night. I was so busy I had not seen him all day long. I went to his room to say hello and there sprauled out "fully dressed" was his "homegirl". Her name isn't relevant. I think my face explained it all. We didn't talk about it later really. He's not one for words. Sigh I really like him and I've convinved myself she was just a friend. However, my screaming head says otherwise. These flags come up everywhere. I just don't know. He's only half of my stress level right now. Everything else besides this pageant and trying to impress some upperclassmen have me running wild searching for an escape. I beginning to think maybe all this isnt for me. Perhaps I am destined to be the girl on the side with all the greek friends. It just seems like all this is pointless and I should just be a student all the way through. It all boils down to not being good enough to be something. Am I really willing to let some little freshman outshine me when it comes to this? The answer of course is no, but with every second guess comes the realization that I just want to be included. That goes for everything. Why is it so wrong that we, people, me want to be wanted?