Dead Air

Winter months fastly approach as the likely hood of my cold month cuddle buddy fades. Bo was mad after I didnt feel like "being" with him that eening. Problem is it still happened. I don't know how I feel about it. I feel kinda not cool about. Keep in mind i wasn't in my right state of mind. Although he thinks I don't remember anything. I remember everything. I rememeber what he did and how he did it. Really and truthfully he has no right to be mad at me. Unless by some mysterious way he found out about Christain, which is very unlikely. Ugh boys

just shoot me.

So as I try to piece together the common puzzle of negros and their relationships and greeks and their lives I realize. What is the point? I feel as if I'm an excluded figuire among thousands of destined greats. Excuses pile on my mind with such pitiness such as...its windy or she looks in a hurry. Granted both of these could be justified, but is it so terrible to want to be included. The least that God can do is let me have somewhat of a good year. Granted He has done a lot, but on some real can i for once feel like everybody else? I already have the traditional odds against me. Is it so hard to want a break? Good goodness. I pray for everything to go smoothly this semester in regards to you who and what they do. I can't hide in my room forever because even that has become a pit of rules and regulations that terrorize my thoughts in search of a whole. Oh and boys suck just to reinterate that point. I don't see how talking to someone would do me any bit of good. The only thing it does it keep be distracted on my everyday fails at life. Oh it just doesnt go up from here does it?

38 Posts

Last year 38 posts definied my year and even though i'm off to a late start with this thing i'm sure i'll have more. Yesterday we celebrated Ashley's birthday. yay we are both 19. However I couldnt help but be urked by the distraction parked on my bed. Bo, my new interest, sat quietly observing the coonery that became of the party. Little did he know I was mad oh so mad for the antics that took place the previous evening. Lets rewind to that night. I was so busy I had not seen him all day long. I went to his room to say hello and there sprauled out "fully dressed" was his "homegirl". Her name isn't relevant. I think my face explained it all. We didn't talk about it later really. He's not one for words. Sigh I really like him and I've convinved myself she was just a friend. However, my screaming head says otherwise. These flags come up everywhere. I just don't know. He's only half of my stress level right now. Everything else besides this pageant and trying to impress some upperclassmen have me running wild searching for an escape. I beginning to think maybe all this isnt for me. Perhaps I am destined to be the girl on the side with all the greek friends. It just seems like all this is pointless and I should just be a student all the way through. It all boils down to not being good enough to be something. Am I really willing to let some little freshman outshine me when it comes to this? The answer of course is no, but with every second guess comes the realization that I just want to be included. That goes for everything. Why is it so wrong that we, people, me want to be wanted?

The time has come

back to school, back to class, back to people that i dont nesscarrily like. this is my year so far...met people, live in meridian, hung out with theo, had a birthday, had a 2 week affair with hair from drew hall step team, and fell for a boy that lives down the hall

now if thats not crazy idk what is